I Am (Not) My Hair

I blame Halle Berry. For the better part of the last 20 years, I’ve had some variation of the short cut that she made famous in “Strictly Business”.

I would bring a picture of her hair, into the salon demanding, “make me look like that”! Countless stylists would tell me that I didn’t have the “same grade” hair as she does or the same shape face carry it off, I would blow them off and tell them to do it anyway! Heaven help me, I even have an Eddie Munster widow’s peak! But you couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t rocking that style!


I have thought about doing something different with it on occasion, but never had the patience required to get past the BillyRayCyrusmulletstage. However, I’m trying to make some changes and it’s high time to give the deuces to that style and get a grown woman ‘do that will take me into my 40’s.

Therefore, after nearly 30 years of being a slave to the conk or “creamy crack”, I’ve made the big decision to go natural with my hair. [Insert ooooooohs and aaaaaaaaaaaaaahs here.] Plenty of Black women do it every day, so I’m not breaking any new ground, but this is a big deal to me. I finally feel free/grown/ don’tgiveadamnwhatanyonethinks (potential suitor, Momma, or good White people included) enough to want my hair to return to its natural state. That thought alone is liberating. Plus, revolutionaries need big/natural hair, don’t they?

My earliest hair memories go back to Sunday evenings, when my Mum would wash my hair, then braid, twist, or make them into “Jamaican/Chinese bumps” in preparation for the upcoming week. I would sit, or rather wiggle/struggle as I sat between her legs while we watched “Solid Gold”. On special occasions, she would get the hot comb out to straighten my kinky mess. Bless my Mum’s heart, she never really knew what to do with my hair. Her hair is bone straight and long, while mine, is the complete opposite. As a result, by the time I was 12, I was hauled off to get my first relaxer to make my hair more manageable.

That first time, my scalp burned! Scabs not withstanding,I thought that the results were worth it! You could not keep me out of a mirror afterwards. I would just sit there and swing my hair back and forth. I was mesmerized. I finally looked had hair that matched my Mum’s! I didn’t know it then, but I had been had. Hoodwinked. Led astray. And my euphoria didn’t last very long. My formerly thick and long hair, started to break under the stress of the chemicals and improper maintenance. My poor hair had to endure the next several years of my experimentation with “Sun In” to get those blond highlights and stints in cities void of many Black people (Syracuse, Phoenix, Denver) and good stylists.

Aaaaah, stylists. I love to hate them, especially those that triple and sometimes QUADRUPLE book an appointment. Those with no business savvy or customer service skills whatsoever, but could wield the hell outta some scissors to give me a fairly reasonable facsimile of Halle’s do. The things Black women put up with in order to get the "right look".

For the most part, I’ve had relatively good relationships with my stylists throughout the years, Stan (his former salon in Atlanta, is where the Gladys and Ron Chicken & Waffles restaurant is in Midtown!), Gwen (a former Olympian), Rasheeda (a neo soul singer), Yolanda (devoted mother of three), Big Al (cross dressing transsexual, but could lay my edges flat!) and many more… They’ve had me looking my best for dates, job interviews, concerts, funerals and weddings. And they’ve all helped me deal with that stress spot at the top of my crown that would thin and bald when I was under pressure and I thank them for it.

But, it’s time to start a new chapter in my ongoing hair adventures. The seed was planted once I watched Chris Rock’s 2009 documentary, “Good Hair” and saw dramatic examples of what the chemicals found in relaxers are doing to Black hair as well as the business side of the hair care industry equation. And none of it was good. So, as of June 2011, my intention is to leave the chemicals alone and get back to my natural state.

It’s going to be a long process as I will be “transitioning” my hair versus going for the “big chop”. If I didn’t have patience before, I will sorely need it now. To my friends, please keep all pictures of Halle away from me! I don’t want to end up in a salon doorway like Pookie feenin for a hit of Dark n’ Lovely!

In 2005, India.Arie released a track called “I Am Not My Hair”. It would be nice to say that I haven’t been, but clearly I have.

My Take on Shaunie O'Neal's CNN Commentary

Shaunie recently wrote a commentary for CNN regarding her concern about the negative portrayals of Black women on TV. To me, this is equivalent to a crack dealer despairing the damage that drugs have caused his community. To quote Ed Lover, “C’MON SON!”

As an Executive Producer of “Basketball Wives”, certainly she has some input in what goes to air.  She certainly has access to the women (her “friends”) who appear on the show to advise them to conduct themselves in a manner more becoming for adult women? Wouldn’t you tell your girlfriend if her slip was showing or if she had broccoli in her teeth? Then certainly you could have a sit-down to say that throwing drinks on people in a public place while cameras are rolling is a bad look.

At the very least, she’s a bad businesswoman for not having control of her product and a bad friend for letting her girls carry on this way. At worst, a confused hypocrite for enjoying the benefits of a successful show while also trying to appeal to a higher public consciousness by bemoaning the industry she is a part of.

Shaunie is not the only one to blame here. At one point, I enjoyed watching the show. My peers and I are part of the problem. We ARE educated Black and Latino women who willingly consume these shows on a daily/weekly basis. I used to justify it by saying, “I’m a grown woman and this is only entertainment. PLUS, I listen to NPR  AND read the NYTimes every day! I’m balanced!” However, this show and others like it, contribute to some of the headaches that I have to encounter on a daily basis in corporate America, in department stores, in relationships, etc.. from people that assume all Black women are like the ones they see on TV.

I guess I need to thank Shaunie for a “reality check” and for giving me yet more motivation to change the channel.